I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
