i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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