I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
