is your mom at the bar?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
