Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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