just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
