At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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