he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
