my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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