what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
