Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
