I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
