How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
