A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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