You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
