dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
