I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
