please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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