i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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