I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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