glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
