After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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