I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
