Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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