I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
vagina is talking i cant
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
