I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
