he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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