I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize