Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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