If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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