i wish my penis had a tongue
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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