I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
