I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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