Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
