I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
