My friends, they love my intelligence
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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