Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
