Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
