What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
