sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
