A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
