I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
