i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
