on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
