I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
