Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
