My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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