Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
