You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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