i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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