In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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