Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
