dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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