oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
