just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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