Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
