I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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