he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
