At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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