the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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