two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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