Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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