i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
