Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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