he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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