I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I want is dick and wine.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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