Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
