She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Welp...herpes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
