I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
porn star boner night. come get it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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