I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's never too late to be topless.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize