Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
