P.S. I can't hear my feet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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