I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
