shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize