Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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