i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
