I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize