I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
